Featured in Time Out Lonon's 101 top things to do in London

Bullshit London have been offering improbably fun comedy walking tours since 2013.

 **** COVID 19 Update ****

Jan 2021 - This whole pandemic thing is a bit fucking shit isn't it?

I would offer you a bullshit tour of my living room but I'm so sick of it, it wouldn't be much fun.

"Here's the sofa. As you can see it's blue. Blue is a colour that symbolizes depression. Which is what the pan… anyway.... here is a pile of my belongings which, as you can see, I've made into a tidy little heap, no they're not dirty, I wash them with my tears...."

 

I'll spare you the rest.

 

As soon as it's safe I'd love to do some tours out and about again. I'm very, very, very much looking forward to it. But, I fully understand why it can't happen right now and I'm not going to do it whilst it's not safe.

If anyone is interested in making provisional bookings for spring/summer/2028 I'm more than happy to take them on the understanding that they might have to be cancelled. That's fine. We all need something to look forward to and I can well understand that a little break from reality might be quite appealing right now. Not only that but it's reasonably easy to socially distance  whilst on a walk and they do take place outside so they are, a lower risk form of entertainment.

 

If you wish for the promise of a Bullshit tour in the summer, please get in touch. You'll give me something to look forward to at the same time. If there are a group of you and you work for the NHS I'm happy to do tours on a donation only basis. Just get in touch.

If not, I'll see you in Elysium or Ealing Broadway or entering the Elephant & Castle shopping centre, on some future Tuesday, I'll be buying plantain, you'll be conducting market research for your company, our eyes will meet, you will be surprised, struck by a sense of familiarity yet unable to place me, you'll later describe the feeling as deja vu, although actually, it's pre-determinism, a chronological trap which was sprung when you began reading this, we'll high five, then we'll walk away from each other. Forever. 

I am watching you read this. I will see you again. Mark my words.

I am your Bullshit tour guide. Your rent-a-fool.

 

Here I am. Trying to look somewhat amusing.

 

 

 

 

 

My name is Reuben. I am Britain's honestist bullshitter.

Why would anyone come on this tour where you don't learn anything?

 

It's a great question. Here are my top 3 answers.

 

1) I am, or at least aim to be, funny.

Humour is subjective but most of the people who have come have tended to laugh quite a lot.

I wouldn't have kept doing it this long if they didn't.

I might be stupid but I'm not stupid.

2) What's everyone's obsession with "the truth?"

I mean look around! The world is full of horror and suffering.

The lies I tell are certainly not all happy and pleasant, but even if they're violent and horrible 

at least you know they're not true. Honest Bullshit. That's what I offer. The comfort of escaping the real world of suffering into a fantasy world of suffering.

{Please note I may be lying right now and some of my lies may actually be true}

3) Walking around and looking at stuff is nice

It's just nice. It's nice to walk around. It's nice to look at stuff.

I pick my routes carefully to combine big landmarks with smaller, interesting, buildings or features.

Add some jokes, mix with good company and garnish with imaginatively deployed puns.

It's a recipe for a highly pleasant time.

If you'd like to book a tour or have any questions please click here to get in touch with me.

 

If you'd like to know more about the bullshit journey of the last seven years including information on some of the bespoke tours I've created and the book I made. Please click here.

"Puts the city back in mendacity.... the perfect way to learn less about the capital"
- Matt Brown, The Londonist
I am dedicated to giving you an honest good time in a dishonest fashion.
I appreciate that this might cause some trust issues.
 
If you doubt the calibre of my bullshit
please read some reviews.

 

 

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Site by Alex Stevenson. No animals were harmed in the making of this site.